


i want you to cry (cry for me)

by rapturings



Category: NCT (Band), NCT Dream
Genre: Anxiety, Author Projecting onto Na Jaemin, Bulimia, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Depression, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorders, Huang Ren Jun Needs a Hug, Insecurity, Kinda Sad NGL, M/M, Making up tags is fun, Na Jaemin Needs a Hug, Sad with a Happy Ending, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Indulgent, Soft Huang Ren Jun, Soft Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Soft Na Jaemin, Toxic Relationship, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, author projecting onto renmin, but theyre there to hug each other yay, depending on how you look at it, if you consider starving self-harm, they both have eating disorders basically, very codependent relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 17:01:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28816767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rapturings/pseuds/rapturings
Summary: Some would love to point out that Renjun likes being taken care of by Jaemin to satisfy his needs that were neglected during his childhood, and Jaemin likes to take care of Renjun because he’s never felt in control of anything in his life. Renjun doesn’t care. Renjun likes to be taken care of by Jaemin and Jaemin likes to take care of Renjun – that’s all that matters.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 75





	i want you to cry (cry for me)

Renjun slowly opens his eyes. He’s been awake for a while now, but has been desperately clinging to the fading clutches of tranquil slumber. When he accepts that he can no longer take refuge in the safety of unconsciousness, the fog clears from his mind and forces him to face reality. He’d put up a valiant fight, as it is already well into the afternoon according to the digital clock flashing on the bedside table. Every morning, Renjun vainly attempts to stretch the grace that sleep provides – the blissful ignorance he’s afforded due to a simple truth. Renjun isn’t hungry when he’s asleep. With his mind whisked away to some fantastical universe of aliens or simply thrown into the null void of dreamlessness, food miraculously isn’t plaguing his every thought for the first time all day. But now he’s awake and his stomach aches in protest from the past two days of neglect. 

Noticing his subtle stirring, a gentle hand finds Renjun’s fluffy head of pink hair, fingers carding softly through the strands. Like water to a flame, Renjun instantly feels his anxiety dissipate as a content smile unwillingly spreads on his lips. Jaemin is the water to the flame burning inside of Renjun. Jaemin makes everything better. Renjun would be hopeless without Jaemin by his side, unwaveringly guiding his lost soul through the motions. They remain like that, silently soaking up each other’s comfort, until the peace is disturbed by a particularly humiliating disruption. Renjun’s pathetic fucking stomach makes itself known again by emitting a pathetic fucking grumble. Stomachs have the disposition of a petulant five-year-old brat who throws a temper tantrum when you stop paying attention to it for five fucking minutes. Renjun buries his face further into Jaemin’s broad chest, his cheeks flushing with a combination of embarrassment and frustration as Jaemin lets out a small chuckle.

“Coffee?” he asks and, instead of a verbal response, Renjun just leans up and pecks him on the cheek because Jaemin is so perfect and always knows just what to say. 

Jaemin sits up in bed and stretches his numb limbs while Renjun strips out of Jaemin’s oversized t-shirt and his old sleep shorts. Renjun analyses his body in the mirror, poking at every little bulge and sucking his stomach in as much as possible. Jaemin's eyes burn through his skin and he so desperately wants to cover himself up. Instead, he steps onto the scale and holds his breath as the numbers unapologetically rise. Jaemin comes up behind him and gently holds his waist while looking over his shoulder to see the result. Renjun draws strength from Jaemin’s security and looks down. 49.7kgs. Renjun exhales in relief. He’s lost weight since yesterday. The fasting is working. It needs to work. Renjun’s metabolism is irreparably broken and he has no other way of losing weight anymore since restriction stopped being effective a while ago. The results are a little slow but, as Jaemin likes to remind him, a little weight lost is better than no weight lost. 

“Good boy,” Jaemin’s smile is dazzling when he kisses Renjun on the forehead, before stripping himself down to his underwear as well. Renjun’s heart swells. 

His joy is short-lived however, as Renjun can’t help the envious eyes he casts upon Jaemin’s nearly naked form. He’s so fucking skinny, it comes so naturally to him even without all the starving. Renjun once again finds himself bemoaning his short stature. Jaemin’s legs that seem to stretch on for miles and his slim, toned torso are on the receiving end of both Renjun’s envy and enjoyment. Having such an attractive boyfriend is both a blessing and a curse. 

The scale displays 51kgs on the dot and Jaemin hums in approval. Jaemin’s so good at maintaining. His body has developed some internal calorie counter at this point; he always knows exactly how much he can eat. Jaemin may weigh more than Renjun, but he is also nearly a whole foot taller than Renjun. When calculating their weight to height distribution, Jaemin actually weighs much less. The smile on Renjun’s face is bittersweet when he congratulates Jaemin, but he tries his best not to let his jealousy seep through the cracks. However, he can’t shake the gnawing feeling that he’ll never catch up to Jaemin, never be good enough for Jaemin. He's definitely too chubby to even be with Jaemin, Jaemin has to be dating him out of pity. He keeps these thoughts to himself but his boyfriend, so finely attuned to Renjun's emotions and ever the attentive one, sees right through Renjun in the way that he always does that simultaneously makes Renjun feel understood and terrified. 

He cups Renjun’s cheeks in his hands and tilts his head so he has to look into Jaemin’s eyes, “I know it’s hard but you’re doing so well, baby. You’re nearly there, just a little bit more, okay? You can do that for me, right?”

Renjun nods without hesitation, “I’d do anything for you.” And he would. 

They lazily stroll into their small kitchen with their pinkies linked, hands swinging as they walk. Renjun delicately hops up onto the kitchen counter as Jaemin deftly begins preparing the first of – no doubt – many coffees of the day. He gives Renjun three shots of espresso and adds a little bit of almond milk because the bitterness makes him keel, while he makes his own “death coffee” as Renjun likes to call it, for himself. When they’re done, Jaemin hands Renjun his cup before placing his dainty hands on both of Renjun’s bare thighs and prying them open. With a wide enough space between his legs, Jaemin slots himself between Renjun’s soft parted thighs. He spares Renjun a glance then, knowing damn well the effect he has on the other, and even has the audacity to wink when he sees the flustered mess the boy has become. Jaemin then picks up his own mug and begins sipping on his coffee like it isn’t a hazard to humanity. 

He holds the mug with his right hand and Renjun’s eyes are drawn to his left hand which remains resting on Renjun’s thigh. Jaemin’s hands aren’t particularly large but in comparison to Renjun, everything about Jaemin is big. Inversely, in comparison to Jaemin, everything about Renjun is small. Renjun fixates on the way his entire slim thigh is swallowed by Jaemin’s hand and he becomes entranced by it, unable to tear his gaze away. It just looks so right, so cute, so-

“Tiny,” Jaemin’s voice permeates Renjun’s haze of enchantment, and he looks up to discover that Jaemin is staring at his leg too. “You’re so fucking tiny, Junnie,” Jaemin sounds just as captivated as Renjun feels. He shifts his hand to continue sizing it up to the width of Renjun’s thigh and Renjun bites his lip, preening under the attention and praise of the love of his life. As affectionate as always, Jaemin wraps his arms around Renjun’s slim waist and pulls him toward himself, essentially smothering the boy. He rubs his cheek against Renjun’s hair, snuggling him as close as possible, “The size difference between us is perfect! My Injunnie looks so adorable in my arms.”

Jaemin’s cooing in that baby voice that would usually earn him a flick on the forehead, but Renjun’s too elated to care. Renjun does feel adorable in Jaemin's arms. Jaemin is proud of him and that alone is just as rewarding – if not more – as stepping on the scale and seeing the numbers drop. Jaemin’s validation is enough to motivate him through the lowest of lows. All Renjun wants is to be good enough for Jaemin. Renjun’s position on the counter makes him as tall as the other and he utilises that advantage to capture Jaemin’s lips in a kiss. Renjun is reminded then that just as much as Jaemin quells the flame inside of Renjun, he also ignites it. 

After coffee, they freshen up in the bathroom together and Renjun loves how domestic they’ve become. It’s Saturday so neither of them have classes, and they decide to waste the rest of the day away watching random movies on Netflix. Jaemin sprawls out on the couch and Renjun fills the space between his legs, his back resting against Jaemin’s chest. As soon as the movie begins playing, Jaemin’s fingers find Renjun’s hair again, mindlessly braiding the pink strands. Renjun only makes it halfway through the movie before his eyes start feeling heavy. Renjun hasn’t eaten in nearly three days and his body is malnourished, on the brink of exhaustion. That, coupled with Jaemin’s relaxing fingers on his scalp, is enough to lull Renjun to sleep. Jaemin notices his head drifting to the side and Renjun thinks he hears a mumbled ‘cute’ but he’s so out of it at this point, slipping in and out of consciousness. He tries to lift his head, but he has no energy and his body feels like dead weight. Luckily Jaemin is there, like he always is, to help Renjun. He gently manoeuvres them into a more comfortable position for Renjun to sleep in. His hands settle on Renjun’s waist and Renjun intends to complain, but all that leaves his lips is a weak whine. Jaemin still understands him anyway and, with a coo, lifts his fingers to meet Renjun’s scalp once more. Satisfied, Renjun closes his eyes and promptly falls asleep. 

Renjun is slightly disoriented when he wakes up for the second time that day. He’s surrounded by darkness and Jaemin is nowhere to be seen. A slight pout on his lips, he stands to find his missing boyfriend. Big mistake. Instantly, Renjun feels the blood draining from his face as the world starts spinning. He clutches his head as he falls back onto the couch for support. It takes a few seconds for the ringing in his ears to subside and when Renjun can no longer feel his heart beating so violently as though it wants to burst through his chest, he stands again and pursues Jaemin. 

It’s not hard to find the other in their quaint little apartment. Jaemin is in their bedroom, situated on the windowsill with a cigarette hanging loosely from his lips. Some lofi beat – Renjun thinks it’s something by NIKI – emanates softly from their speakers. Jaemin’s eyes are distant as he leans his upper body out the window and takes in the Seoul nightlife below them, absentmindedly releasing puffs of smoke every few seconds. Renjun knows that far-off expression all too well. Renjun loves Jaemin like this. Renjun loves Jaemin all the time, but especially when his bubbly persona disappears to reveal the enigma of a man beneath the surface. Renjun can’t help but wonder what he’s thinking when he gets introspective like this. He wishes he possessed Jaemin’s ability to read Renjun like a book but, even after being together for so long, Jaemin still remains a mystery to him sometimes. Renjun decides that he likes it though; it’s part of Jaemin’s charm. 

Leaving the black-haired boy to stew in his thoughts a little longer, Renjun quickly throws off his clothes before stepping onto the scale again. He’s starting to doubt whether he should have had that coffee earlier. It comes as no surprise when the scale displays the same number as before, but Renjun still appreciates the fact that he didn’t gain any water weight at least – because that was a bitch to get rid of. Renjun makes quick work of redressing before approaching his beloved, already longing for Jaemin’s ceaseless affection – not that he’d ever let Jaemin know that. 

When he approaches, Jaemin’s gaze lifts to find his own and he extends a hand, beckoning Renjun to interlace their fingers. When he does so, Jaemin uses their clasped hands to tug Renjun toward himself. Before Renjun has time to process anything, Jaemin is kissing him again. This time, there’s a lingering bitterness left in his wake as Jaemin pries Renjun’s lips open with his tongue to shotgun the tiniest bit of nicotine into his lungs. Jaemin doesn’t transfer much and retracts quickly enough to allow Renjun to exhale it out of his system. Jaemin knows that Renjun isn’t fond of the taste, but he also knows that it excites Renjun all the same when Jaemin’s the one forcing the toxin down his throat. He’s reaffirmed of that fact when his eyes are met with a pair of glossy ones staring back at him like Jaemin is the only thing in this world worth looking at. Renjun worships Jaemin, and Jaemin finds that more addictive than the nicotine ever will be.

It’s dinnertime now – well for Jaemin at least, as Renjun still has another few hours of fasting to endure. Renjun finds a place perched on the counter again while Jaemin busies himself around the kitchen, cutting up some vegetables and frying them in a pan to make a small portion of stir-fry for himself. Jaemin steals kisses from Renjun every now and then, and chatters away idly as Renjun tries his best to produce little noises of affirmation every few seconds to show that he’s listening. 

When Jaemin’s dinner is finished being prepared, he settles back onto the sofa with Renjun in his lap. Jaemin knows how much Renjun enjoys watching him eat, says he gets full vicariously through watching someone he loves eat. Renjun quietly observes in wonder as Jaemin chews slowly on the smallest bites of food. Jaemin’s so, so good at this. Renjun knows that he would have scarfed half the bowl down by now. Jaemin is such a constant inspiration for Renjun, lighting a passion under his skin to be better for him, to be someone worthy of Jaemin's love. He aches with yearning to be someone Jaemin would be proud to have at his side. Renjun knows that he'll only be worthy once he's small like Jaemin. Jaemin eats in the prettiest manner and with each bite he takes, Renjun chants a mantra to himself that Jaemin is allowed to eat because he deserves it. Renjun doesn’t deserve it yet. 

Since his bowl didn’t have much stir-fry in it to begin with, it doesn’t take long for Jaemin to finish. “I feel kinda gross now,” he mumbles with a frown as he places his chopsticks in the empty bowl.

Renjun isn’t having any of that and lifts Jaemin’s shirt to press a quick kiss to his stomach. “You’re so skinny, Nana, can’t even tell you ate anything. So pretty, make me so happy,” he reassures, fingers moving to manually ease the crease between Jaemin’s brows. Jaemin offers him a small smile that doesn’t reach his eyes, and Renjun knows that nothing he says will be loud enough to drown out the demons in Jaemin’s own head, so he just hugs him close because that’s all he can do. 

It’s around 10pm when Renjun starts yawning again and Jaemin decides that it’s time for bed. Renjun sits against the headboard and wordlessly watches as Jaemin strips down to step on the scale. Weighing oneself right after eating is pure masochism and Renjun opens his mouth to say something, but he can’t seem to find the right words. Whatever he tries to say ends up trapped in his throat, unable to breach the lump formed there. Jaemin is visibly disheartened by the results and Renjun is about to reassure him that it’s just a little bloating, all it needs is a few hours to digest and he’ll be back down to his previous weight, but Jaemin speaks before him, “I’m going for a run.”

He leaves no room for argument as he begins digging out his jogging sweats, and Renjun wants to say that it’s too late, but once again the words die on his tongue as he knows they’ll only fall on deaf ears. Jaemin and Renjun are very different in this regard. When Renjun starts feeling low, all it takes is Jaemin’s saccharine voice telling him everything’s gonna be okay to guide him out of a dark corner. When Jaemin starts feeling low, he spirals, and nothing or no one can pull him out of that mentality. Renjun is still trying to think of a way to make this better when Jaemin closes the front door.

Renjun isn’t sure what time it is when Jaemin returns home. He distantly recognises the sound of the shower running before closing his eyes. He comes to again when the bed dips beside him as Jaemin climbs under the covers. Renjun snuggles against Jaemin’s side and throws one leg over his waist. He blinks his eyes a few times to adjust to the light coming from Jaemin’s phone. The glow illuminates Jaemin’s gorgeous side profile and Renjun places a goodnight kiss on the curve of his jaw. Jaemin lowers the brightness of his screen for Renjun, and that’s the last thing he remembers before the darkness consumes him again. 

Hunger creeps up on you like a disease. That’s exactly what it is – an infection. The host is oblivious to its presence at first, and everything seems fine, until it’s not. And at that point it’s too late. The infection has spread to every crevice of your being, and you’re losing control of yourself. Renjun clutches his stomach as he’s hit with hunger pains so severe it causes him to curl in on himself. Fuckfuckfuck, why did he have to wake up. He’s got tunnel vision and the only thing on his mind is food. Renjun’s so hungry, he hasn’t eaten in so long and he feels like he’s about to burst. 

He sits up and glances down at Jaemin’s sleeping face. He considers waking him for a second, but he’d hate to disturb him from his sleep just to whine about how hungry he is like a little bitch. Renjun sits there for a few more minutes, trying unsuccessfully to go back to sleep, and contemplating what to do with himself. His stomach continues to ache and his throat feels so dry. Renjun isn’t quite sure what the fuck is going on but, next thing he knows, he’s on his feet and walking in the direction of the kitchen. Renjun sits on the kitchen floor and hugs his knees to his chest. Is he really gonna do this? Is it worth it? God, what would Jaemin say? He runs his hands over his face and slaps his cheeks a few times. What the fuck is he doing right now? 

Renjun stands on weak legs and slowly makes his way to the cabinet where they keep the bread. It’s a bit of an awkward stumble in the dark because he doesn’t put the kitchen light on – what he’s about to do is too humiliating to watch. He reaches the cabinet without sustaining any bodily harm, and pulls out the newly bought loaf of bread. He stands there for a few more minutes, anxiously cracking his knuckles as he weighs his options. He’ll just have one slice, right? It’ll be fine. Besides, he’s technically already completed his 72 hour fast, so he’s just breaking his fast. That’s fine, right? This is all fine. Renjun’s scattered brain is trying to reason with itself, but deep down he knows that nothing about this is fine. 

There’s still time to stop this, time to save himself. He could shove the bread back in the cabinet, turn right around, and go back to bed where Jaemin is waiting for him. Instead, Renjun rips the bag open like an animal and shoves the first slice in his mouth. Fuck carbs for being such a craving food. Renjun swallows the dry bread down with a grimace. He doesn’t put any spread on it; he doesn’t deserve that. He hates it but he’s so fucking hungry, so he shoves a second slice into his mouth. Renjun hates that he knows exactly how many calories are in each slice of bread, so he can’t even pretend that he doesn’t know what he’s doing to his body. Renjun promises himself that he’ll starve for the rest of the day, he’ll starve tomorrow too. 

Renjun is on his fourteenth slice when the kitchen light flicks on behind him, causing him to freeze in his tracks. It’s as if a bucket of ice water has just been thrown down his spine, waking him from the frenzy he had lost himself to. “Oh, baby…” Renjun hears and he’d rather slit his own throat right now, than turn around and look at Jaemin. 

He remains frozen in that position as he hears the soft pattering of Jaemin’s bare feet against the tile floors, making his way over to Renjun. Renjun wants to run, wants to hide, he’s too much of a coward to face Jaemin and face the reality of what he’s done. Jaemin approaches Renjun with the cautiousness you’d use when approaching a frightened, timid animal. Jaemin gently turns the smaller boy by his shoulders to face him, but Renjun just stares straight ahead, emotionless, at Jaemin’s chest. He can't believe he's letting Jaemin see him in this state, he's so fucking disgusting. He'd promised Jaemin the last time that he'd never do it again. God, he's so useless. Jaemin's gonna break up with him this time for sure, Jaemin's gonna leave him because he's fat and ugly and-

“Junnie. Look at me,” Jaemin says gently but firmly, snapping him out of his internal tangent. Looking at Jaemin is the last thing Renjun wants to do, but he’s already displeased Jaemin so much, the fear of doing so again causes his eyes to involuntarily flit up to Jaemin’s. 

It’s the disappointment he sees in Jaemin’s pretty eyes that are only ever supposed to look at him with adoration, that breaks the dam holding it all back. Renjun violently begins shaking as tears fall rapidly from his eyes, akin to a burst faucet. Jaemin heaves out a sigh before holding his hand out in front of Renjun’s face. Renjun’s cheeks are still full from the bread he’d been munching on when Jaemin had caught him. It had been such a devastating wakeup that he hadn’t had half the mind to swallow the bread still puffing his cheeks out like a chipmunk. Humiliated to his core, Renjun spits the disgustingly soggy clump of bread into Jaemin’s open palm. Showing no signs of overt disgust, Jaemin simply tosses it in the trash, and then gently tugs the crying Renjun to the sink with him. Jaemin never vocalises his disappointment, but Renjun can feel it. Jaemin washes his own hand before manhandling Renjun to lean over the sink so Jaemin can splash some water on his face. Jaemin balls up his own t-shirt to use as a towel to dry Renjun’s face. Renjun is no longer bawling as hysterically, but continues to hiccup and sniffle every few seconds. He feels like a dumb child being taken care of and he should hate it, but he loves being taken care of by Jaemin. He gets to shut his brain off and just feel small while Jaemin puts out the fires that Renjun has started. 

Some would love to point out that Renjun likes being taken care of by Jaemin to satisfy his needs that were neglected during his childhood, and Jaemin likes to take care of Renjun because he’s never felt in control of anything in his life. Renjun doesn’t care. Renjun likes to be taken care of by Jaemin and Jaemin likes to take care of Renjun – that’s all that matters. 

Jaemin sits Renjun at the counter, and he moves on autopilot, blindly following Jaemin’s directions. Jaemin leaves to fetch something from the fridge and returns to place a can of soda on the table in front of Renjun. He pops it open for him and Renjun wordlessly accepts it. He knows what this means and he expected no less. The acidity of the soda will make it easier to bring all the bread back up. Jaemin boils a kettle in preparation for the aftermath. Jaemin’s so considerate. Jaemin knows just what Renjun needs. Jaemin always knows what’s best for Renjun. They sit in silence as he gulps down the fizzy drink and, when he’s done, Renjun makes his way to the bathroom without needing to be told to do so. Jaemin follows and watches as Renjun gets on his knees in front of the toilet. This is habitual to them.

“Ready?” he asks. Renjun nods and no further communication is needed for Jaemin to place his fingers between Renjun’s parted lips. His index and middle finger sit on Renjun’s soft tongue as Jaemin kisses his temple, “Don’t forget to breathe.” Renjun nods again and that’s all the confirmation Jaemin needs before he jams his fingers down Renjun’s throat. 

Renjun gags but Jaemin doesn’t remove his fingers, instead he pushes further. Renjun clutches at Jaemin’s forearm, not pushing him away but merely seeking some stability from Jaemin to ground himself. Renjun continues to dry heave until he can feel the bile rising. He quickly pushes at Jaemin’s arm and Jaemin understands, removing his fingers just in time for Renjun to lurch over the bowl and vomit out the contents of his stomach. Jaemin cleans his fingers on his t-shirt, before holding Renjun’s bangs out of his face as he continues to spill his guts into the toilet bowl. Tears prickle at Renjun’s eyes and the passing thought that Jaemin must fucking hate him, crosses his mind.

When Renjun lifts his head, his eyes are watering and his throat stings. Jaemin leans over to flush the toilet before turning Renjun’s head to face him. He cups Renjun’s face in his hands while his thumbs work delicately against his cheeks to wipe his tears. “Good boy…that’s my good boy. You did so well, I’m so proud of you,” Jaemin soothes as Renjun blinks teary eyes up at him. 

“I love you so much,” Renjun rasps weakly, his throat spent, "I need you so fucking badly, please don't leave me, I'm sorry, I'll never fucking eat again, just don't leave me alone."

Jaemin smiles down at him, “I love you more,” is all he says.

He pulls Renjun up then, shouldering most of the weaker boy’s weight. Lifting him up from under his thighs, Jaemin carefully places Renjun on the bathroom counter. Renjun is in a dissociated daze as Jaemin applies some toothpaste to Renjun’s toothbrush, before bringing it to the other’s lips. Jaemin’s fingers are gentle as ever as they hold Renjun’s jaw in place for him to brush Renjun’s teeth. The most work Renjun has to do is keep his mouth open. It takes a few seconds for Jaemin to snap Renjun back to reality when it’s time for him to spit and rinse – which Jaemin would probably do for him too, were it possible. Jaemin presses another kiss to his temple, before guiding Renjun back to their bedroom. A warm cup of green tea is already awaiting Renjun upon his return. Renjun isn’t sure when, but Jaemin had used the water he had boiled to soak the teabag and then brought it to their room for him. 

“I love you so much,” Renjun mumbles again and, without missing a beat, Jaemin returns his profession again. 

Renjun sits up in bed as he sips on the tea. He can already feel the healing effect the warm herbs have on his sore throat. Jaemin is always a reliable presence at his side, rubbing his back and whispering words of encouragement and affection all throughout. When the tea is done, Jaemin takes the mug from Renjun and places it on his own bedside table, before lying down and pulling Renjun to lay on top of himself. Jaemin manoeuvres them so Renjun’s face is against Jaemin’s chest and his legs are on either side of Jaemin’s thighs. Perhaps not the most comfortable position to sleep in, but that’s the least of Jaemin’s worries. He knows that Renjun needs to be loved right now. 

His left hand naturally makes its way into Renjun’s hair while his right hand finds the edge of Renjun’s (Jaemin’s) sleep shirt, and slips underneath. With Renjun splayed over Jaemin’s chest like this, it’s easy for Jaemin to locate his spine, the ridges so pronounced under his soft skin. Jaemin’s smooth hand glides over Renjun’s spine, feeling every bone individually, and Renjun shivers beneath his fingers.  
“You’re so thin, baby, I can feel every bone,” Jaemin informs him, “I always need to protect my Injunnie because he’s so fragile.” Jaemin’s fingers leave a trail from Renjun’s spine to his ribcage. Jaemin has to tilt him a bit to the side in order to reach under Renjun and put a hand on his ribs, but once he does, he lets out a small gasp. Renjun lifts his head for the first time in a while to look at Jaemin. Jaemin’s expression is one of wonder as he begins running his fingers all along Renjun’s ribcage like a kid who just discovered a new toy. Like Renjun’s spine, he caresses each individual rib, as well as poking his fingers into the gaps between each rib. With Renjun unassuming and putty in his hands, Jaemin’s cheeky fingers venture further to brush over his nipple. Renjun whines as his thigh involuntarily twitches next to Jaemin’s leg, and he levels Jaemin with an unamused gaze, to which the younger simply smirks. 

He goes back to feeling how pretty and delicate Renjun’s bones feel beneath his skin, alternating between his spine and his ribcage. “Seriously, Jun, your binges don’t define you. You’re more than your impulses. You’re still so fucking tiny and pretty.”

Renjun thinks that if Jaemin keeps saying it, maybe – just maybe, one day he’ll believe it.

**Author's Note:**

> im goin projecting yall want anything?


End file.
